I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
