Can i not drive my cunt home
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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