I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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