I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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