There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
