Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In America we eat man semen.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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