Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
