i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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