Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
