rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
