if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
