every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
