I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
