you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
