I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
