1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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