If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
