he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
