there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
