I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
