What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
