Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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