I'm drive I can fine osifer
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
