Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
