so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
