Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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