I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
