that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
