I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize