Don't you send me to vm
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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