In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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