I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.