i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.