do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you