On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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