I just saw a hot homeless man
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
