Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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