I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
