what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
