You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so that wasnt chicken after all
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
