dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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