quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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