marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
