Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
