yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
