remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.