If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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