new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.