She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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