I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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