I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
