He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
