foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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