I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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