wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
