I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
