everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
