Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
