So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
