LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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