Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
