oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
